My friends, they love my intelligence
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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