i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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