Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
