its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
