Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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