he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
