Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
did i just pee glitter
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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