then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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