i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
