she smelled like a LAN party
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
