I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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