Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
