Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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