apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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