A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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