You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
