ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
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