last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
