is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
