So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
