new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
