my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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