watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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