he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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