have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
