You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
