Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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