dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
