I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
