Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
