Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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