I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
