i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
