Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The struggles of a small town man whore
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
