I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
