# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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