I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
