i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
