All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
