He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
