Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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