Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
