forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize