I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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