He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
