Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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