this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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