today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
