when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
