the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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