I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Randomize
