I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
