Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i believe in u and ur pee
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
