This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
