3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize