I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
