We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
my phone needs a breathalizer
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think your dad took our porno
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
