look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
