Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
