Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
