I feel like abortions should bother me more
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
