yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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