He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
