I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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