mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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