Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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