Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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